这是我从自己的回忆库里找出来的，写于去年那段不堪回首的过渡期。

心动
~献给曾经心动的人
~~还有，曾经让我心动的人

如果相识是缘份，那分手是不是也是注定的呢？人与人之间的一切，好像发生得自然又简单，可是却又不竟然。。。

开始动笔前，深怕会扭曲原曲（戏）所要带出的深远意义。
但还是执著的写了。

从小就喜欢看戏。
看的戏好多，好杂。
有时候是闷了才看，有时候是看影评得好便盲目去看。
年轻的有时候，是为了唱有时候的梁咏琪而看。
父母说我是盲目，同学说我愚痴。
只有一个人和我一样，一样盲，一样痴。我想那人读到这里，应该也会心一笑。

第一次看这部戏，抱歉，我买了盗版磁碟。
看的是很模糊，有人头在摆动的版本。
那时这戏还没上大马的戏院，等不了，不好意思。
就算上了，我没办法看，那时的我还十八未到。

电影里的男女主角很青涩，不知天高地厚可能是最好的形容词。
九年前的我，不明白人为何可以如此不顾一切。
九年后吗，我重看了这部戏，心动不已，心痛更无法言喻。

可能是心中的畏惧，也可能是巧合的情节。
如果有一天，我放弃的，还有我错过的，是最能让我心动的人，结果会是怎样？
我确实没有那冲动让我驱赶懦弱，争取想要的。
或许应该这样说吧，我过于理智。
感情是不可以斗量的，更不知它的动力会在刹那间把你推向悬崖。
爱因斯坦对战贝多芬，根本就是不对称的较量。
可能我是爱因斯坦，无法了解贝多芬这难以捉摸的对手。

如果你不明白不情愿又不得已放手的感觉是怎样，让我告诉你：它让你午夜梦回都出现同一情节，你被遗弃在沙滩上，喊破喉咙，却没人施予援手。

人都说年少轻狂时的爱情是豁出去的，好多时候给的是110%。
这让我摸不着头脑，我是个年过20又很理智的人，为什么每一次，我都把自己的感情存款放进去，还会借贷款，欠得自己满身债。
到最后，眼泪流干，感情掏空，我就是那样坐在镜子前看着自己哭肿的双眼。
过去真的可以让它过去吗？
我们无法忘记一起的经历，更无法磨灭曾经的欢笑和泪水。
尤其是泪水，它让人对它爱不释手，经常回来光顾你细心经营的脆弱心灵。

闭上双眼，我还可以看见熟悉的脸孔，还有曾经让我悸动的双手。

有多久没见你
以为你在那里
原来 就住在我的心底
陪伴着我的呼吸
有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头 就看到你
过去让它过去
来不及
从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果
不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹总是想再见你
还试着打探你的消息
原来
你就住在我的身体
守护我的回忆

如果这歌是我的心声，我想失去你，便是留给自己最后的回忆。

My fingers are freezing, with my cough getting terribly annoying. I have started coughing the minute I stepped into my cubicle, lost my appetite of having my routine-8 breakfast with my peers, skipping lunch as well. I bet those sitting nearby, especially folks who had meetings on the phone might have cursed me. (or maybe they would pray for me?)

Sometimes even by sitting here doesn't mean that I have NOTHING to do, you know? This is for those who always dropped by to say "Hello" and "You look so free?!". I felt real irritated for a week or so, and soon I lost my patience and adamancy to even be bothered. I hate to hate people, it consumes some energy. I have had enough today, receiving some tasks and to be completed by end of today, by just SITTING here. I wanna get out from here, I hear myself yelling.

So I am alone at my cubicle as cold as a malfunction fridge. Just hope someone could rescue me. Kelly Clarkson maybe?

I can tell,
I can tell,
How much you hate this.
Deep down inside,
You know its killing me.
I can call, wish you well,
And try to change this.
But nothing I can say,
Would change anything.
Where were my senses?
I left them all behind.
Why did I turn away?
I wish I could save you.
I wish I could say to you,
Im not going nowhere.
I wish I could say to you,
Its gonna be alright.
I didnt mean,
Didnt mean,
To leave you stranded.
Went away cause I,
Didnt want to face the truth.
Reaching out,
Reach for me,
Empty handed.
You dont know if I care.
Youre trying to find the proof.
There were times Id wonder,
Could I have eased your pain?
Why did I turn away?
We can pretend nothings changed.
Pretend its all the same.
And there will be no pain,
Tonight.
Its gonna be alright.

Save you - Kelly C.

Do you ever feel like breaking down? Yes.
Do you ever feel out of place? Yes.
Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you.
Do you ever wanna run away? Yes.
Do you lock yourself in your room? Yes.
With the radio on turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming.

At this time of the day I should be sleeping soundly in my bed.
When people are supposed to be home, having lovely dinners with family after work, I was still toiling in the lab, moving my fingers, scratching my head to finish up my lengthy and tedious jobs.
I need a break from my life! Gimme a break.

Years ago Hugh "House" Laurie had a great song. This is him being very sophisticated, at his best.

I wear sophisticated clothes
I say sophisticated things
Everything about me says
I'm a sophistication king

But when I'm with you
Can't seem to find my cool
Yeah, when I'm with you
I just site there and drool

I got sophisticated hands
I got sophisticated feet
A sophisticated car
Parked on sophistication street

But when I'm with you
Can't seem to find my cool
Yeah, when I'm with you
I'm just a dribbling fool

When you look at me and you start to flirt
I have to wipe the dribble off the front of my shirt

When you ask me what's on my mind
All I can think to answer is... "fluh-uh"

I eat sophisticated food
I breathe sophisticated air
I run a sophisticated comb
Through my sophisticated hair

But when I'm with you
Can't seem to find my cool
Yeah, when I'm with you
I'm just a dribbling... fool

I'm thinking he was the one wrote this piece of crap which sounds "crappily" funny.

When our car passed by Northam Tower and Leona sang It's been the longest winter without you, the immortal nostalgia came back to possess me.
All the good old days didn't take place here but it stalked me wherever I went.
Sometimes I feel helpless.
Just like tonight. Right now.
The wind slashed my face and my heart started to weep.
The human heart.

原来，我的懦弱不曾离开。
我害怕失去，因为拥有时的不实际、短暂和歉疚。
最痛的原来是，放手后伪装的坚强。

It's gonna hurt when it heals too......


Bring me a cup of Aztec Coffee please......

Glad that this human heart changed.
I remember the time when "today is just like yesterday".

Cause today
you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life
Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain

Do I have to look back now?
Sometimes, yes. That just proves that I'm human.
Finally the bleeding stopped and rejoicing is like a rainbow after the storm.


Secondhand Serenade - Like A Knife

拜6的早上，在公司，自己的座位，电脑前，突然很想有一个简简单单的自己。
如果我可以那么踏实，那有多好？
为什么我就不可以好像其他人一样，满足于现状？
已经有整整半年没睡好了，问题还没解决，人就天天衰老，我看等到有一天，人老珠黄，我的烦恼还在。
突然间，很想浸在浴缸里。
这，让我想起这首简单的歌。
简单的笑，简单的乐器，简单的伴奏，还有简单的自由。

我坐在椅子上 看日出复活
我坐在夕阳里 看城市的衰弱
我摘下一片叶子 让它代替我
观察离开后的变化
曾经 狂奔 舞蹈 贪婪的说话
随着冷的湿的心腐化
带不走的 丢不掉的 让大雨侵蚀吧
让他推向我在边界奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价
别让我飞 将我温柔豢养
我坐在椅子上 看日出复活
我坐在夕阳里 看城市的衰弱
我摘下一片叶子 让它代替我
观察离开后的变化
曾经 狂奔 舞蹈 贪婪的说话
随着冷的湿的心腐化
带不走的留不下的我全都交付他
让他捧着我在手掌 自由自在挥洒
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳
带不走的丢不掉的让大雨侵蚀吧
让它推向我在边界奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
我会疯狂的爱上
带不走的留不下的我全都交付他
让他捧着我在手掌自由自在挥洒
如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价
别让我飞 将我温柔豢养
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳

我本人不明白为什么会有这样的标题 - 这是套用电影奥迪利亚(Australia)里的字句。
今天放工回家的路上，发现天比平时更黑，路比平时更暗。
突然，眼泪也要夺眶而出，不知道是因为眼睛长期对着那黑白的SEM，还是真的痛得很想哭。
好多人都说，船到桥头自然直，马儿死了大不了就下来走走。
我的问题却复杂得多，船因为大浪还没到船头就已经翻覆，马死了还要把它的病传给我。
昨天还活在天堂，今天一早醒来就已经活在地狱。
我曾经一度以为自己是一块玉，但看样子现在比较像路边的一粒小石子。
我只是想大发牢骚，不是患上了忧郁症，别担心。
但我怕那是迟早的事，请大家双手合十为我祈祷。
Sam Roberts 唱的歌 - 死胡同 （dead end)。
And I don't sing songs anymore
I don't feel young anymore
And it's hard to conceal
That these tears that I cry are for real
Anymore